One Night In George's Office
by woundedbutterfly
Summary: Huang makes a few disturbing discoveries about the love lives of the Special Victims Unit squad... C/G, E/O, M/D, and the list goes on...now with a third chapter! How have I not been banned from word processors?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, and it's not a surprise I'm not allowed to have them, considering what they get up to in this story…

**A/N: Um, I was bored ok! My bored mind produces strange things! This one is dedicated to Krystal, who really, _really_ wanted me to write a Huang/Casey story…. Ok, she didn't, but I just wanted to blame someone else for the epic strangeness below! In case there is any doubt, the below is a total joke**

* * *

"Come on, it's _one_ date, don't make me subpoena you!" Casey said, in a tone which suggested the fire-haired lawyer would not accept refusal.

He had no reason not to believe she would utilize her legal powers illegitimately to secure a romantic interlude with him. He thought back to the time Novak had subpoenaed the producers of the popular series "Lost" just to make them explain what the hell was going on. Not that she'd shared the plot secrets with the rest of the squad. The bitch.

"But Casey, you're not my _type_," Huang said, nervously, beads of sweat forming on his brow, wondering how he would escape the clutches of the tenacious lawyer.

"Well, it beats the hell out of dating someone old enough to be my fathers father," Casey frowned, thinking about all the annoying blind dates everyone kept setting her up on with John Munch, and wondering why she kept falling for it. The last time, she'd barely avoided a goodnight kiss laced with Dentafix. She shuddered at the thought. Nobody knew she'd killed him. Likely, no one would ever notice, nobody seemed to find it strange when he mysteriously disappeared for days at a time, and only Olivia and Elliot were anywhere to be found in the Precinct. All she needed was a tape recorder set to play quotes she'd recorded from the X-files about alien conspiracies at irregular interludes, and she'd get away scot-free.

Speaking of Olivia and Elliot…

"Where are the Detectives, I need to… profile something for them," Huang said, backing against his bookcase, hoping to excuse himself.

Casey rolled her eyes, "what do you think they're doing?"

"Investigating sex crimes?" Huang suggesting logically.

"Fuck no, when the hell do they ever do that?" Casey said, giving a chuckle, "they're having wild, unprotected sex behind your desk."

Huang peeked behind his desk sceptically, only to have his mind irrevocably scarred with the image of two of New York's finest engaging in an act which, considering its location, probably constituted a sex crime.

"It burns!" Huang cried, his optical receptors physically hurting from the vision he had forced upon them.

"Do you mind, Elliot and I are attempting to climax simultaneously and repeatedly, whilst professing our undying love for one another breathlessly!" Olivia said, somewhat peeved by Huang's interruption.

"Too much information!" Huang screamed in anguish. His office door swung open without warning.

"Did someone call for too much information?" Melinda Warner said, beaming brightly about the room.

"Um, no," Casey said, annoyed by the disturbance in her attempts to score with the diminutive Psychologist.

"But I can say vagina, and a whole host of other anatomical parts without giggling or blushing! There's an entire course for it in medical school!" Melinda said, upset at Casey's quick dismissal.

"I don't think we'll be needing your services today," Huang said, hoping to rid his office of the bizarrely behaving ME. The situation was strange enough as it was.

"Well I could certainly use your _services,_" Donald Cragen called suggestively from the doorway, raising an eyebrow with undeniable lust which was visible even from the very slight upward motion of a single facial muscle. Melinda smiled following the Captain out the door.

"Don't wait up for me!" Melinda called back to Casey. Huang looked back to Casey, confused not only by the statement, but by the fact that Casey's hair had spontaneously turned a vibrant shade of platinum blonde.

"We're sleeping together," Casey shrugged, as though it was common knowledge, when Huang looked shocked, she added, "what? Who here can say they aren't bisexual?"

"Certainly not me!" Alex Cabot announced from the doorway. Huang's mouth hung open as the former ADA appeared from seemingly thin air, "I totally tapped that," Alex said, nodding back in the direction that Doctor Warner had come form, giving Casey a celebratory hi-five.

"Is anyone not sleeping with everyone around here?" Huang asked, mouth agape at the promiscuity which had been hiding behind the opaque façade of professionalism in the Special Victims Unit.

"I'm not sleeping with Elliot," Alex chipped in. Just then, the blue eyed Detective popped up from behind the desk.

"That can soon be remedied," He said, tone needlessly salacious considering the situation, Olivia popped up too,

"Yeah Alex, I think it's time to resolve that longstanding sexual tension, get on in here!"

"Wait, you can't have a threesome in my office! I'll call McCoy!" Huang threatened, scared that his office was about to play host to an explicit event of epic proportions.

"Good luck," Alex grinned, "last I saw, Fin was giving him some of 'the good loving' in the backrooms of the courthouse."

Huang felt dizzy and wondered if there was any place he could purchase mind bleach, to purge the last few minutes from his swiftly melting mind.

"Cowabunga!" Alex yelled, and jumped behind the desk.

"I guess dinner with me doesn't seem such a bad idea now," Casey said.

"When do we leave," Huang whispered, picking up his coat and trying to ignore the sounds coming from behind the desk.

**THE END**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N um…. I wasn't going to make another chapter, but this sorta happened. Oh well, better out than in!!**

"I have to admit, last night was great!" George admitted as he walked down the precinct halls.

"It really was," Casey agreed as the entered the bustling Special Victims Unit bullpen. On the whiteboard, a haunting photograph of John Munch hung, the word 'missing' scribbled beneath it, and the word 'parts' written below that in another dry marker colour. Some people had no heart.

Neither did John Munch after Casey had kicked his ass with extreme prejudice. Maybe she had gone overboard, or perhaps she should have known better than to learn her self defence skills from a DVD entitled "Rambo your way to self confidence".

"I can't believe you've never watched starwars!" George exclaimed. After dinner, Casey and George had reconvened at his place, and not only watched the original trilogy, but even the prequels.

"I've always meant to, I've just never had time, it's so long!" Casey announced loudly, her words falling conveniently into a silence vacuum which had opened up in the bustling squad room.

Olivia Benson was quick to chip in, "sounds like you two had a great time last night!"

"Stop being so lewd," George scolded, "she just meant it went on for hours…"

"I'll bet you got your lightsaber out too…" Olivia added.

Even the Captain couldn't help pitching in, "hold up? Does this mean that Huang detonated our ADA's deathstar?"

Elliot couldn't stifle a loud guffaw, "that's so easy, I'm not even going to comment!"

"Isn't that what they say about your Mom Stabler?" Fin Tutuola asked, sprawling on the piano he had placed in the space where he and Munch's co-joined desks used to sit. He wore a figure hugging strapless black tunic style dress, with matching onyx earrings and a classy pendant.

Casey had to ask, "What's with the get-up?"

"I got a date tonight, what's it to you?" Fin said, eyes narrowed to slits, hand hovering over the sidearm strapped to his thigh. Casey quickly raised her hands in surrender,

"Nothing, you look good."

"Damn right I do," Fin scowled.

"Anyway, I did come down here for a reason," Casey said, turning to Elliot and Olivia who were still quietly mirthful.

"I've just had a motion sent over from the defence on the Malone case," Casey said, holding up a blue slip, "not guilty by reason of mental defect, insanity caused by repetitively listening to a particular iteration of Jazz."

"Can you elaborate?" Cragen asked, surreptitiously checking out the surprisingly smooth legs of Detective Tutuola.

She handed him the motion,

"Don," Casey said, raising an eyebrow, "he's blaming it on the Boogie."

Olivia nodded sadly, "when I took his testimony, he did state that he just couldn't, he just couldn't, he just couldn't control his feet. Maybe you should plead him out Casey."

Elliot placed a comforting hand on his partners shoulder.

"Oh please, he stomped a women to death, you can't seriously be buying this," Casey frowned.

"I'm buying _whatever _you're selling!" Melinda Warner said, winking as she entered the squad room.

"Any news about our Vic?" Olivia asked.

Melinda nodded, "you're never going to believe this," she withdrew a folder from her jacket, "I discovered something disturbing during the autopsy, were any of you aware that Allison Malone was dead?"

"Uh, isn't that the only time you'd perform an autopsy?" Casey asked, slightly alarmed. Melinda looked flustered.

"Um, sure, of course," the ME nodded, "that's all I have at the moment, I'll be back later, probably when you least expect it, or when there is a convenient opening for a double-entendre."

"I've got a convenient opening, but it's not for a double-entendre…" Alex Cabot announced.

"What the fuck are you doing here, _again?"_ Casey sighed. She was tired of Alex repeatedly appearing at the office.

"I came to see you actually." Alex said, sliding her trademark glasses up her nose.

"And why is that?" Casey asked, crossing her arms.

"I was thinking we could throw a party, and invite your pants to come on down," Alex said with a salacious wink.

"My pants have a prior appointment," Casey frowned, keen to press on with the case and steer the conversation away from innuendo. She knew what would happen if she didn't nip it in the bud…

"Yeah, with my bedroom floor," Elliot said, getting to his feet and wrapping an arm around the present ADA's waist, "Casey, I've got a headache and you are like aspirin. I wanna take you every four to six hours."

"I would _overdose _on that shit," Fin agreed.

"Can we please focus on the case at hand!" George yelled. Everyone looked at him as though he was crazy, except for Casey, who nodded in agreement. Perhaps he could like this girl…

"Exactly George, but I think it's down to just you and me now," Casey said, as the rest of the squad engaged in untenably odd behaviour.

"Do you think we can do this?" George asked, taking a stand next to the firehaired ADA.

"Huang, if you look up justice in the dictionary, what does it read there?" Casey asked, hands on hips affecting her best super-attorney pose.

George smiled, "Casey Novak?"

Casey promptly smacked him in the back of the head, "no fucktard, since when has the dictionary had peoples names? How the hell did you get a PHD?"

At this point, Olivia decided to join the pair, "Casey, I'm sorry, we need to stop fucking around and work on this case. But there's something you need to know about me first…"

Casey nodded, "Okay, fire away."

"I'm like a tropical island," Olivia began.

"Do you mean you feel alone, like you're out in the sea, isolated, by yourself even though you're surrounded by…" George ventured, only to be cut off.

"Hell no! I meant I'm hot, wet and ready for tourists!"

George held his head in his hands, wondering if anyone was sane anymore, and if they were ever going to get around to solving this case,


	3. Chapter 3

**So the oddness continues, in a different format... I just kinda thought I'd disturb you all with this. Yeah, I have no legitimate explaination for what follows... the formating didn't stick too well in the final bit, but I think you can all get what's going on...**

**I think this fic proves I should never be allowed near a word processor again. But thanks for all the nice reviews!  
**

"George, I'm so glad you're here!" Casey said, a hopeful smile gracing her lips as she dashed up to the bars. George Huang stood at the entrance to the cell, having just paid the ADA's bail, though why, he still wasn't sure. He was beginning to think he was going as insane as the squad he assisted….

"I can't believe they indicted you!" George said, watching as the guard unlocked the cell. Casey dashed up, wrapping him in a rather tight hug.

"I know, but I pled guilty, they had no choice…" Casey replied absently. George wondered why she sounded so distracted, when he suddenly felt a hand wandering onto his… rear.

He quickly broke the hug. This was uncomfortable as it was.

"Okay, let's go get a coffee, and go over how this happened," he said, heading out the door.

* * *

_It was a morning like any other, Casey Novak was in her office, engaging in lawyer type activities and occasionally playing Farmville. _

_Goddamnit her crops were looking fucking awesome. _

_Bored, she had wondering into Alex Cabot's office, hoping the other Lawyer was up for playing their favourite pastime of late - sneaking into the law courts and filming more Judge Judy parodies for later upload to YouTube. They really needed to get their latest video finished before Judge Donnelley figured out some of her robes were missing. And some of her underwear, but that was a whole different story._

_Upon entering Cabot's office, Casey noticed she needed the bathroom._

_She left, attended to this need, and returned. Upon her return, she found Alex absent. For a while, she just put Alex's glasses on, spun around on her chair and impersonated her colleague._

_This grew tiresome quickly._

_She was about to leave when she realized Alex had left her computer on, and unlocked…and on her Facebook…_

_This was too good an opportunity to pass up…_

_

* * *

_

"I'm sorry, did I hear you right?" George said, "you were indicted for…Frape?"

Casey nodded sadly, toying with the large glass of milk she had ordered, "yup. And I'm guilty Huang, guilty as sin," she added, taking a long swig of the dairy based beverage.

George shook his head in disbelief, "god, things are getting crazier than I thought."

Casey drunk the last of her milk and banging the glass down on the table resolutely.

"Do you want a coffee, or a tea?" George asked.

"Nope," Casey said, "milk for me, it puts hairs on your chest, or so my Mom says."

George looked puzzled, "would you really want hairs on your chest?"

Casey looked down her top mournfully, at her pitifully furless breasts, "I don't know what I want anymore."

George quickly changed the subject, Casey had been lucid up until now and he didn't want to jinx it, "so, what happened next?"

**

* * *

**

**The Peoples Exhibit A**

**Alex Cabot's wall on Tuesday the 23****rd**** at 3pm**

Alex changed her relationship status to **Single**

49 minutes ago - Like - Comment

-** Olivia Benson **WTF Alex?, call me, NOW!

_44 minutes ago - Like_

- **Elliot Stabler **s**t! I told you Alex, not yet, I haven't told Kathy! Xx

_42 minutes ago - Like_

-** Olivia Benson **Alex is breaking up with me for YOU!

_42 minutes ago - Like_

- **Elliot Stabler **:-/ my bad, I thought that was private! Hehe, was just kidding, lol x

_40 minutes ago - Like_

-** Olivia Benson **Liar! I don't believe you!

_38 minutes ago - Like_

- **Elliot Stabler **sorry Liv, we were going to tell you, just not like this! :-/

_35 minutes ago - Like_

- **Kathy Stabler **uh, divorced much?

_33 minutes ago - Like_

- **Elliot Stabler **FML! :-(

_31 minutes ago - Like_

Alex added **Justin Bieber **and **Nickelback **to her **Interests**

Alex changed her **About Me **- _like - comment_

Alex likes **Bestiality Rocks!**, **Being a hussy ;-) **and 7 other pages

**Alex Cabot **would like to admit that she wears adult diapers! Yes, the Ice queen of the District Attorneys office cannot go potty like a big girl!

53 minutes ago - Like - Comment

(Y) Don 'The Boss' Cragen and 9 other people like this.

**- Don 'The Boss' Cragen **congrats on coming out of the incontinence closet! I'm so proud of u! Incontinence affects many people, but they r 2 embarrassed to admit it, and so hide in shame! Ur so brave! I'm not hiding anymore either! Incontinent and proud! Those meetings I go 2 rnt AA meetings, they r IA meetings, and I'd love for you to come along, we always welcome new IAers! ! Stay strong bbz! Xx

**Alex Cabot **is touching herself while thinking about **John Munch**!

55 minutes ago - Like - Comment

(Y) John Munch likes this.

**- Olivia Benson **:-/ I hope ur joking x

_50 minutes ago - Like_

_- _**John 'munchable' Munch **just goes to show, I'm irresistible! Don't worry, there's enough to go around ;-) xxx

_49 minutes ago - Like_

_- _**Fin 'Ice-T' Tutuola **I think I just lost my lunch

_45 minutes ago - Like_

_- _**John 'munchable' Munch **you weren't saying that last night Finny! Xx

_43 minutes ago - Like_

_- _**Fin 'Ice-T' Tutuola **STFU!

_40 minutes ago - Like_

**Alex Cabot **thinks **Casey Novak **isamuch better lawyer than her! And she has better hair too!

An hour ago - Like - Comment

(Y) **Casey Novak** likes this.

**2nd authors note: I may continue this... when I'm in a disturbing enough mood or am actively drunk. Apologies to anyone who has had their sensibilities offended!  
**


End file.
